TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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