I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
