Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
