I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
