you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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