in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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