in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
