fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't turn off my feet"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
