Duck Duck Cougar?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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