So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
