Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
