ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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