some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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