i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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