Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
