In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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