Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize