Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
