I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
