You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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