It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
