how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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