My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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