She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
