i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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