where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
