Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
