just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
