Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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