I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
