my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
