just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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