I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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