Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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