Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You are a genius and a whore.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
