Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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