he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
