I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
