i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
