I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
