We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize