i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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