Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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