You're so nebulous sometimes
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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