you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
