I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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