Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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