She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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