where am i from again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
