U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
