Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
