so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
