guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
