I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
