Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
