Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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