I'm going to jail i love you
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
