just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
