dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Randomize
