Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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