I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
