and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
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