Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
