A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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