cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize