Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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