I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
