Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
