Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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