I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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