Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
