you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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