Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
