I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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