I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Less talking, more tequila
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
