My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
