Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
