Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
