Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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