you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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