never play flip cup with pint glasses
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
