i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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