I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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