How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
