so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
