Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize