im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
