He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
