Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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