Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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